I haven't blogged in years, but a lot has happened and I honestly have nothing better to do.

The last post on here was 2012? So I guess i'll start there, from what I remember at least. I started to get into a new band called DIV which I am now obsessed with still, went to Europe alone for the first time (though met up again with some lovely people♡) and had to find a new job. 2013 on the other hand, was a terrible, terrible year which, even though it sucked, i'd like to turn back time now.

So, the beginning of 2013 I was jobless and was searching, though wasn't having too much luck. My dad (who I was living with at the time) decided he was quitting his own job and moving back home to Hokkaido, and my options were to go move with him (uh, no) live alone, or move to America. With my current situation of not really having any money, leaving the country wasn't an option and instead I moved into my own apartment in Saitama.

It was terrible. I hate Saitama, I hate the countryside and the punk kids. Haha
It probably wouldn't be so bad without them, but they were just so obnoxious. My actual apartment wasn't too bad, it was a little far, but it was brand new and really big! Anyway, so all of that was great but there was a lot of trouble with my family (aka my dad was just being a huge douche) and I almost feel like this was like a mental breakdown because I literally threw my hands up and said "fuck this" and left the country a month later.

So I quit my job (which, tbh, was also really starting to get annoying because of how unprofessional they were), spent the rest of my money following DIV around the country then moved to America at the end of June.

I don't know about you, but I know/knew a lot of people who thought/think moving to Japan will fix all their problems, that it's some magical land that makes you happy and you will never have a problem - this is the stupidest thing ever and its really obnoxious when people do this. But, essentially, it's what I did myself when moving back to America. I lived here as a teenager and grew up here, but never had to actually DO anything myself. Work, taxes, legal... anything, really. While in Japan i've had to find work, go in for unemployment, get my own apartment, deal with all that stuff numerous times, and it's so completely different and so confusing here. I thought coming here i'd be able to get a dumb easy job for minimum wage at least then just save up while I live with my mom (who also lives in America), but I was far from wrong.

6+ months later and i'm still jobless.

I got denied from Ross

A few places have just not responded, others have contacted me back telling me that if they can't contact the companies I worked for before, it doesn't hold up because it's not 'experience'. I'm sorry that the companies I worked for in the past only speak Japanese, but I can't really do anything about that. It's really difficult and I think the stress has gotten to me, which I usually don't think is something I deal with, or at least notice, but with a string of health problems that have started (and are most likely stress related) i'm starting to think otherwise. Sleeping has always been a problem for me, but it's definitely a stress factor, I believe. I've gained soooo much weight since getting here (which is what I do when i'm stressed, I think) and just in general, i'm more useless than usual. It's terrible.

So basically this is where I am now. I'm starting this blog up again to hopefully motivate me to try harder each day, maybe apply to even more jobs even if i'm not qualified just to see if they'll hear me out, move around more, do anything but eat my problems away (which, to be honest, I don't even realize I do most of the time).

My plan right now is to get a job and stay in America for a year or a year in a half after to save up enough money to move back to Japan. I contacted the embassy about my citizenship (I have both) and apparently the "22" year restriction isn't set in stone, and I can keep one or the other a bit longer, but it's not forever. Once I can save up enough money and move back, I'll unfortunately have to give up my American citizenship, which is a shame because my mother and grandmother are here. But it's really difficult for me to live here and I can't give up my own life for them even if it may be a little selfish. Consequently, if I give up my Japanese citizenship, I'd be leaving my family in Japan too. Ideally I could keep both forever, but what can you do. I prefer living in Japan with my friends and family there, and just a system I can understand more. It's mostly these little things that bother me a lot - the water here is incredibly hard (lol), the food isn't very good, cars frighten me and I prefer the transportation there, generally more polite, I can find foundation in my colour, hair products actually work on me.... just tiny little things like that.

Though one thing I am very thankful for is a dryer (like, clothing dryer)

I guess that's all for now, this is just a post to let out everything for the time being and it'll probably be more retarded pointless points coming up. I'll probably focus on trying to lose weight and maybe makeup of the sort to update about, but we'll see.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all are well xoxo

Because who doesn't love pictures of food.

Quiche! I loveeeeee quiche.

At qui'l fait bon! It's a pretty famous tart place. We went to the one in Ginza!

A pancake place in Daikanyama!

La Maison tarts mmmmmm :q

Some cafe in Shibuya!

Just a regular Izakaya that we frequent, but the first time we had the custard cream fondue! *q*

More tarts :q This was at "Berry Cafe" in Ginza. They have other locations too!

A vegetable all you can eat buffet + one main dish place. I dunno, but it was reallllly good. And all you can eat veggies always makes me happy :q

Also, this was my hair. it was longgggg and brown (although most of this was extensions) and the underneath bits (eriashi) were blond and black. For some reason I thought it was a good idea to dye my hair like a retard and

This is the tragic outcome. Why the hell did I do this to myself. I always wonder this after dying my hair a dumb color, so I really should just stop doing it. I probably will though, age wise i'm sort of over it :v I just want to dye my hair brown with black bits. It's also really short now! If you know Sakito's look from the world/Alumina it's that length.

For Ruka's birthday we celebrated! He turned 33 this year so we had to celebrate! Also, it meant we could all hang out and have a tart :v we all love tarts as you can see.

My friend made these adorable lil packages with chiroru choclate (you can get them custom made packaging!) and she got them Ruka'd out! Adorable!

So that's that :v

I will try and be artistic or something one of these days, but i'm not very artistic in the slightest ... but I can try. sobbu.

kuchizuke

It's been forever since I last updated since I really am too lazy for my own good. It's really annoying, actually; even though it's my own doing. Sigh. I wish I had motivation to do anything. Haha.

Anyways, I just wanted to talk about clothes and items that I plan on purchasing sometime in the future, assuming that I can find them and they don't sell out. 

Firstly, I need a new bag. Currently I use my Givenchy Nightingale bag.

Which looks like this ^^^^^^

I love it and all, but I would like a less fancy one that I can just throw shit in, because face it, that's what we all do.

Since I basically own only black (since i'm fat, and also I have no sense of fashion so I can never match things together) I thought i'd go for a colorful bag this time:

Clearly, this is not colorful. I was going to purchase this in red! It's a Jas M.B. small travelers bag. (Link)

Also, as a different shape, and because of it's relatively cheap-ish price, I was considering getting a bag (or two) by Mementism. 

These two, by a brand called "Mementism" 

The prices range, but these run about 12,000~20,000yen, which really isn't that bad in my opinion! (Especially compared to Givenchy sdfafafafiafdsafa cry)

As for other accessories, I am longing for shoes, and sandals. The current weather is dreadful though, and doesn't really scream "sandalllllsss!!!" yet, but I know it's coming, and I will kill myself wearing regular shoes in the heat.

These shoes by Harris Brown are quite popular right now - a bunch of different designers have taken on this same look.

 

Though personally, these damn ones have grown on me and I sort of want them. Sigh. The ones pictures above are slightly more, ... by about 4 times the price.

GIACOMORELLI for roughly 80,000yen.

As for bracelets and necklaces (since really, who can have enough?):

This is by Catherine Michiels. I actually have two of these type of bracelets, and two of the stone ones by her! I love them, and would love another one with three pendant? like things attached. The slight ethnic-ey-ness (...) of it makes me happy. 

The two above are both by Robert Wan. 

The "Cube" one I actually owned before (well, still do) but I broke it with my amazing skills of breaking literally anything I own for more than a year. Sigh. It's a rather cheap piece, though! Only around 5,000yen, while the one above (in red) I think is closer to 30,000yen. 

Lastly, by Tomasz Donocik. I currently only own a piercing, but I so very much want this bracelet to mix and match with other things! The second photo is a Trizn limited edition, I want this too but the amount that it costs kills me on the inside.

I guess for one entry that is enough. I'm sure there will be another one soon! If anything, it's more of a memo of stuff I want, and to remind myself of what to get once I get a new job. (Le sigh) 

P.S.

Completely unrelated, Nightmare is having their Fanclub tour, and their tour with Baroque soon! (Just like old times! And well, I guess technically it's not really that soon...)

Anyways, the lives I plan to attent (though it's very iffy at the moment since I don't have a job, and once I get one i'm not sure what days i'll have off, etc...)

Nightmare VS. Baroque 

Natural Born Errors

2012.7.31(tue) Club Diamond Hall
2012.8.1(wed) Nanba Hatch
2012.8.4(sat) Hibiya Yagai Ongakudo

Nightmare FC 10Year Anniversary Tenka Gyakusou

2012.8.5(sun) Hibiya Yagai Ongakudo
2012.8.10(fri) Fukuoka DRUM Be-1
2012.8.12(sun) Hiroshima Namiki Junction
2012.8.15(wed) Nagoya ElectricLadyLand
2012.8.17(fri) Osaka BIG CAT
2012.8.20(mon) Sapporo KRAPS HALL
2012.8.22(wed) Sendai RENSA

The ones in bold I plan on going to, but the others i'm not sure yet! Hopefully I can make it to them all, especially since it's FC lives and FC lives are usually the best! 

Since they are playing Hibiya Yagai 2 days in a row (Yagai means outdoors, and if you've seen the place you'll see that it is very... outdoors), my friends and I plan on cosplaying Baroque on the day they play with Baroque, then Nightmare for the FC live! That way we can take pictures with our Nightmare friends and be Baroque x Nightmare! (We're all Baroque and Nightmare fans anyways so we like, cried when we heard they were playing together. All the feels)

So that's that :q

P.P.S.

Plastic Tree's Kuchizuke was just recently released and it is amazing.

For those of you who aren't very Vkei, (although I don't think Plastic Tree is that Vkei, as far as Vkei goes...) 

But if you're more into... indie? I guess rock type of stuff, I just heard of this band and recommend them!

I think if you like bands like ONE OK ROCK, Rin tosite sigure and stuff you might enjoy it.

.... and lastly vocaloid-ey stuff because I love this song.

I need to clean my room, so someone please give me some motivation to stop being so fat and lazy. /forever slash wrists

Spring!

Is finally here! Though it doesn't really feel like it here yet.

Hopefully it'll get warm soon!

It's been over a month, but 2012.03.02 was NIGHTMARE's 4th time at Nippon Budoukan!

The setlist was great and all, but I sort of wish they changed it up more for the Final..
It didn't really change that much from the rest of the tour, and since it was ~BUDOUKAN~ we were sort of expecting more... also they announced their upcoming tour the day before VIA TWITTER instead of at the live, which was a bit of a surprise, to say the least.
Maybe it was a mistake...

In the end it was really amazingly fun, don't get me wrong! Just didn't really feel like their usual FINAL!...s.

Also the weather sucked super hardcore balls.



Anyways, I mentioned it on my tumblr a bit but I re-made MiMiC since I actually had something to reference (SHOXX + Fools Mate).
I was lucky enough to re-buy the fabric for the top, which sold out the next day (there was only 1meter left after I bought it...)
Sadly, though... the dumb dot part had sold out and there was only the different color variations.

So I painted that mother fucker like the loser I am.

And did the same for the other tank top underneath. (Then layered lace on top of this)



I wasn't able to go to purikura with the newer version or anything, and the photo above is with the older version i made before fixing it...
Hopefully i'll be able to do it again sometime! And better fffftttttttttttt

This is the only photo I took after fixing it. lol

After Budoukan I've been to a few Nightmare events for MiMiC's release, and also Sakito's book release, and collaboration for GADGET GROW. (all of which is further down ↓there)
I didn't actually buy his collaboration items because I didn't personally like them, so instead I bought pants.
When I went up to buy them the staff person said "Sakito actually bought these himself he liked them so much!"

Goddamnit.

Anyways, So another live I went to was MORRIE (Dead End) with special guest KIYOHARU.
Not surprisingly, fan-boy-sakito was there as well, and was standing right in front of me when we entered the building.
I wasn't sure if it was okay to say anything since i'm pretty clearly a fan of Nightmare, so I just stayed quiet and went in without saying anything.

From NIGHTMARE. (aka: from Sakito)

I bought a t-shirt /fangirls too

A few days later was the MiMiC release event at LaQua (which for some reason my friend and I got into front row since the person in front of us let us go in front of her for some reason? anyways, it was just a talk but ... awkward. cry)

So, during the handshake, you can basically ask the member a question or say something, whatever. There's a few seconds to actually have a conversation...


You went up on the stage from the right side and moved down to the left. The order went in the order of height (aka: the member order lol)
RUKA NI~YA SAKITO HITSUGI YOMI, starting with Yomi.

(They had talked about JANKEN which is rock paper scissors to determine who won the members personal items.. blahblah. i lost so it doesnt matter. LOL)

Yomi thought janken was "rock, five, peace" so... it gave me something to mention to him during the handshake lol


Me: Oh, in english, janken is "rock paper scissors"
Yomi: ... wait wait say it again!!
Me: Rock.......... Paper....... Scissors!
Yomi: Rock paper scissors!! Okay i got it!
Me: :D

I told Hitsugi my friend said "yoroshiku" and Ni~ya was the same lol
During Sakito's turn...


Me: Sakito-san! I saw you at Morrie's event!!
Sakito: !?!?!?!? REALLY!? (like, eyes started to shimmer the second i mentioned ~MORRIE SAMA~)
Me: un! When you were lined up to go inside I was actually right behind you fdaifajdfarwaera
Sakito: What really omg!
Me: I wasn't sure if it was okay to say something... so i was like ehhhh....... and ended up not saying anything
Sakito: you should have said something! Next time say something!
Me: asiopdfojaeoifawehfa903u hweaifhd 9paoljfadfigoafa kay /die
Sakito: /FLAMING FANBOY

Like, I try to explain this as when you first meet someone and find out they like the same band as you and you squeal, are super happy and are like omg omg omg omg!!! .............. basically that is the kind of reaction sakito had and it was adorable and loser-ish at the same time.

I sort of just flailed around at ruka as usual and endo laughed at me i love u endo





On a completely unrelated note the clothes i bought finally came in plus some other shit bc i have no control when it comes to shopping igss.

At a maid cafe in shibuya!

Udon :q


Ticket for Sakito's sign event for his book DONKOU IKU NO

Flowers for sakito!


During the ESP event, Ruka's signature is all squiggly and cute!

I have had this draft saved forever so im just going to publish it already jfc

Test

Test

paranoid

'allo 'allo.
Have been busy with work and following nightmare around during their tour but i thought i'd update a little (about pretty much nothing) anyways.


When in Shizuoka we went to a shrine and they had this gundam display! (I love gundam afdfadfafasfdas)



For this one tag thing on twitter? It was an "upload stuff you like/have" and all the people on my twitter (we are pretty close because of nightmare) and I were uploading out makeup pouches, favorite accessories, clothing, etc. These are a few of my favorite accessories at the moment. There a few things like a star bracelet, a gold necklace and a few other bracelets that aren't pictured... but I love accessories. (Even if they cost me my life.)


This is also in Shizuoka! One of the things Shizuoka is known for is their oden. It wasn't really my sort of oden though... sort of sweet. Regular tokyo oden is good for me. (Also Nagoya is famous for "miso oden" which i'm not too fond of because it's too sweet. But a few of you might like it!)
Depending on the area of Japan some foods, even if they are technically the same (like oden, or ramen for example) are completely different not only in taste but also in how strong or light the flavor is. Northerners are known for liking their food stronger in flavor (ie: my entire family aifashdfafa) as I suppose the lower region likes it less strong? I'm not sure about that last bit, but I do know that sweet oden is bleh >:(


My life. This was in Shizuoka the next day before leaving. We went to a regular chinese food place (I guess it's a chain rest. but its the first time i'd seen it!) and this was called "the worlds hottest tantanmen." I wouldn't classify it as the "hottest" maybe, but it was definitely hot. Once my lips actually cooled down I was able to eat the noodles no problem. I didn't eat the peppers though because... that's way too much. The photo above is after I had eaten all the noodles... ALL OF THEM. and there is still THAT MUCH of the "soup" left.



This is what it started out like. The only problem was that it ONLY tasted like peppers (which I guess I should have seen coming...) so it wasn't that amazing tasting. Everything else they had there was really good, so if I ever go to the place again i'll just order regular tantan men...


Omurice! Most of these photos are food, I know.


In Kyoto! Kyoto is known for a lot of different types of food but yuba (tofu skin) which is on the bottom left of the above picture, is pretty famous as an actual "food". This particular one is over rice and with a saucey/soup. We went to a few shrines (as they have like .... millions) and through gion in front of yakasa shrine (which we also went to).



Random photo of delicious parfait in an omurice place in Shibuya.



Annnnnd this tour I am currently wearing Sakito's most recent outfit from their newest single "mimic." The outfits aren't really shown yet so im not 100% sure if the entire thing is right, but most of it seems to be! Here is the tops (that I need to fix since they are meant to be asymmetrical ...)


That fabric for the top...top layer? cost about 14,000yen a meter and I wanted to punch myself in the face. Instead I just cried while sewing the damn thing going "I hope this is right WAHHH" Other than the the necklaces were easy to make since I prefer making stuff like that rather than the actual outfits. All in all it took about 1/2 a day to make or less.



The leggings I made in about 30 minutes and want to re-make as I wasnt sure if they were right so they are REALLY badly made. REALLY. but atleast they hold up (for now)



Also I guess Sakito put red in his hair in the same area I accidently bleached too much and turned out red (for some odd reason?) but ... I guess that works out on my behalf...

Or something dumb like that.

Next is Nagoya this friday and Kobe on saturday! My friends and I are going together and a bunch of people already told me they'll be giving me valentines day chocolates wahhh im so excited.



And to end, here's some good music.
Plastic Tree's "jyoumyaku" to be released on 2/29 (I think?)