Friday, January 30, 2015

Makeup Review: Physicians Formula, Maybeline

So i've been more obsessed with watching "get ready with me" or "whatevermonths favourite" videos on youtube lately, and of course that got me to start wanting to try a few products that people have mentioned.

Since I can't/don't want to spend too much money on unnecessary items, I decided to try some drugstore brand items first. I've tried many high end brands in the past, but for the past few years, i've basically stuck with the same-old items (which I can get to later, and probably will just to show what I use regularly - it's really REALLY minimal). Anyway, so i've never been much of a drugstore brand girl. I've never tried a drugstore foundation (that I know of) until this point, at least in this country - I think I've tried a few in Japan, however. So I was -REALLY- new to all of this. I've gone through the makeup aisles of course, but my collection is pretty minimal, and I'm pretty stuck in my ways, so unless something is -absolutely amazing- I won't be persuaded so easily.

But, of course being the lazy, yet not lazy when it comes to google person that I am, I of course had to check out all the reviews and videos I could, to find the best ones.

This first one, not being one of them. Ha.

Physicians Formula - Youthful Wear in Light - 14.95$ USD

I bought this at Fred Meyers (eugh, not a fan of these large super store type places), but it had a large variety of make up so I scoped it out. I saw one person (asian) that mentioned this, and she said it worked amazingly, so having that bit of assurance from someone else who may have the colour issue/skin type (she seemed to have the same skin type as me from her other videos), I thought I would enjoy it. A few other people had mentioned physicians formula being an amazing brand, and great for being drugstore, but dear god will I never take that recommendation again.

★☆☆☆☆ - 1 star

This foundation was so greasy and disgusting I felt like I was putting oil directly onto my face. I can't believe anyone would want to use this! I don't know if this is just the type of foundation this is, or if it's a normal thing, but i've never used a greasy foundation! Nevertheless, I tried it on for the day. Eugh. Gross. The colour was a little too dark, and the undertone didn't match me just right, it made me look, I dunno, dirty? Somehow, it was weird. The coverage was quite well, but the BB cream I had underneath for half of my face (to see how it worked with and without) was overly tinted, it was basically a light coverage foundation. Anyway, coverage and stay wise - sure, it's okay. But it does get into creases, and that greasy feeling - it doesn't leave you.

Physicians Formula - Mineral Wear Loose Powder - 12.95$ USD

Well, I wanted to try a powder to go along with the above liquid foundation.

Terrible mistake.

★★☆☆☆ - 2 stars

Okay, so the powder itself wasn't really bad. I mean, it set the foundation and kept it a little matte, but that quickly faded. (PROBABLY BECAUSE IT WAS SO GREASY) but the powder itself wasn't terrible. I mean, it was just loose powder IMO. -BUT- this ridiculous casing, however cute and handy with the little brush on top, is so difficult to use and the tiny brush is so hard to use because of the size. The powder literally gets everywhere, and I wasn't sure how to get it out nicely. I guess it's made for an "emergency" and to be compact and able to carry around or something, but I would never carry -loose- powder with me, so it rendered useless. Oh, and the colour... well, it's just a light colour, so it's sort of hard to mess this one up.

Maybelline New York - FIT me! Pressed powder - 7.99$ USD

I had read and saw on youtube that the fit me line was great (but I guess they just meant one specific product which is down below), so I wanted to try the powder since it was on sale, and I much rather have a pressed powder to carry around with me instead of a loose one.

★★☆☆☆ - 2 stars

Yeah, bad idea. The colour, like the physicians formula, was okay, but something about the undertone made me look dirty somehow. I guess it's too yellow it makes me look even more yellow? I'm not sure, but it looked bad. It didn't matter so much though, since there is literally no colour pay off unless you pack this baby on, and once you do, boy, can you tell. I used this on another day, separate from the loose powder and there was such a huge difference. I generally like using a pressed powder when i'm out, since I don't want to carry loose powder around with me, but I don't think I'd want to use this even as a back-up. I give this two stars, only because if you really just do a tiny bit, I don't think it would do much damage, but if you want any colour pay off at all, you'll pack it on and it'll get into any crease or crevasse and all those pores you've tried so hard to minimize with all those expensive products will look as big as ever. (Though that could be due to that terrible foundation...) 

Maybelline New York FIT me! Concealer - 6.49$ USD

One item on my list that many youtubers had actually mentioned for once (I know, what was the point of those other ones then).

★★★★☆ - 4/5 stars

Finally, something I didn't have to return.

So, from what I saw on youtube was that was a good dupe for the MAC concealer. I've never tried it since I have a thing against MAC and haven't been there since living in Japan, but I did use the Chanel concealer quite often and it's about equal, if not better than that in my opinion. (The chanel one tbh isn't that amazing, I mean it does it's job, but it wasn't that... concealing). This product on the other hand is really affordable and conceals great. It lasts pretty darn well too, so long as you have a good base. (I don't wear concealer alone which apparently is a thing?? so I can't say i've tested it out like that). The only reason I don't give it 5/5 is because I don't like the idea of putting a brush directly to my face. I prefer tubes or pumps or something that doesn't directly touch my skin - especially if you have acne or something to cover up and the whole cross contamination thing. I usually just put it on the back of my hand and dab it on from there, but I dunno, maybe that's the point.

As I was writing this I went out and bought two Kat Von D items and like 25$usd worth of on-sale Wet and Wild products, so i'll test those out. I don't mind buying cheap items like eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, lipstick and the sort so long as my base is nice looks good, which is why I put most of my money and emphasis on skin care, primer, and foundation rather than everything else. I've seen a lot of good reviews on certain Wet and Wild products, so i'm excited to see if they're as good as they say! I think I bought like, 5 eyeshadow palettes haha

Anyway starting from the bottom (price range) up, I guess!

P.S. I've compared the above items to the following items that i've been using regularly for too many years now:

Foundation: Chanel Perfection Lumiere
Loose Powder: Skin Food Peach Sake Silky Finish Powder / Chanel Universelle Libre 
Pressed powder: Chanel Poudre Universelle Compacte 
Concealer: Chanel Correcteur Perfection

I didn't realize it was mostly Chanel :v I guess i'm just a chanel girl when it comes to base makeup... :v

Saturday, January 24, 2015

About me - Eating disorder

One of those "my story" type things, but I hate that title so I just said 'About me' haha.

Anyway, so i you're not into these kind of posts just skip it, but I think I might make this blog a place to vent/write more about my actual daily life just to give me something to do that's somewhat productive (which says a lot because you can imagine how unproductive I am to consider typing up a blog-entry-productive). 

When I was really young I wasn't actually overweight, but once I started schooling I start putting on the pounds. I lived with my grandma while my mother worked, so that could be part of it (I guess the grandparents trying to stuff you full runs in any country haha). But because of that, by the time I was in the 8th grade I weight around 136kg (300lbs). The most I have ever weighed. I actually may have weighed more than this, but I stopped checking the scales. Of course I had cared about my weight by then, but at this point I had had enough and was sick of just crying myself to sleep about it. I would stay up and do 1000 crunches every night and 100 pushups, run in place for as long as I could (which wasn't that long because I'm pretty easily distracted) but situps and pushups you can do on the ground.

Slowly I started skipping breakfast, then throwing my lunch away or just 'buying' it at school and just getting a salad with nothing else. Of course it wasn't easy at first and I would come home and just binge binge binge. But I did end up losing weight, because I didn't binge as much as I skipped. Eventually I got the hang of skipping meals and by my third year in high school? I believe, I was going a few days without food. Mind you, I'm still huge so I didn't look like your typical 'anorexic' at this point, and from what I remember from looking at all the 'thinspo' sites, is that what I was was called 'ed-nos' or whatever. I didn't care for that kind of stuff, I was still /fat/. 

So of course I tried diet pills (which, to be honest, even if I didn't diet they were amazing because I could stay up and work for hours haha), tried working out more, but failed because of hating to be looked at at the gym and just continued to restrict. I envied the people who could just go to the gym, but even to this day, I hate the thought of people looking at me. I don't care what they think of me, but I hated how I looked so I hated the idea of other people seeing what I see - i'm still very much like this.

After all of this I made it to about 90kg (200lbs) and I moved back to Japan. Yeah, that was great. Just going on my usual diet, but actually eating a little because I lived with my dad, I still managed to get to 81kg (180lbs) where I plateaued for a few years. I hated everything, I hated still being fat, I hated college, I hated work, I knew if I was thinner I'd have more confidence (which, ha, I did). So since I couldn't avoid eating entirely, I started purging. [biggest mistake of my life]

Of course this worked at first, and to anyone who says it doesn't work is dumb. Of course it works, but that doesn't mean it's your easy way of getting thin. You do get used to it. And it's very much not good for you (duh). I lost another 20kg or so doing this and ended up in the 60kg (132lbs) range. I still had a huge bloopy stomach though, even though I was 'average' weight - turns out, I have a tiny body frame. We moved from one area of Tokyo to another, near shibuya where a bunch of rich people lived but was secluded enough that I could run around. I ran every morning, only a few minutes since I couldn't go for too long, and walked everywhere (which I did in general in Japan anyway). Eventually I made it to somewhere in the 50s, maybe under the 50kg range (110lbs or lower) and I was -happy-. I was super healthy, I even ate at this point. Nothing super fatty, but I had three to five meals a day. (Still probably below 2000kal, but nothing too drastic).

But of course, I wouldn't be writing this if there wasn't a downfall. Because of problems at home and a lot of other stress piling on, I began to binge eat again. This was fine since I kept purging it, but this is when it started getting bad. I wouldn't purge it. Not in time, at least. I'm not sure the actual legit-ness of this, but I read that if you don't purge whatever you ate in 20 minutes, you gain most of the calories anyway. Well, I would eat so much I would pass out and wake up 8 hours later.

And then purge.

What's the point then, right. I would feel empty enough to want to eat /again/ which is what I did.

This went on and off until I was back to 60kg (132) then 80 (176) and so on and so on. I had actually got it down again to around 70kg (154) and was slowly bringing it back down, until my dad told me to basically gtfo and some other really obnoxious things which led me to move into my own place, and eventually leave the country (mistake #2). Since then i've gained more weight and it's because I still do this binge and purge thing - but not in tme. I hate purging. I doubt anyone actually enjoys it - do they? But of course, purging is better than keeping that disgusting food inside of you. Which is why I still do it.

So that's 'my story' I guess. It's still not over and i'm still working on getting healthy. I just find it so weird that it was so easy to just be happy and eat normally when I actually hit a good weight that I felt comfortable at. That's really all I want to get back to since it's the healthiest and happiest i've ever been. 

I guess that's where I'm going to begin this "weight loss diary" (仮). I plan on trying to eat 'healthy' ish... probably not too healthy, but as healthy as I feel I can actually /eat/ without having the urge to binge (which it's really easy to trigger me to get there) so maybe i'll post some recipes and what not.

^^^^ I wrote all that up a while ago and never published it, but there you go. I know a lot of people around me have issues with dieting/food/weight (too much or too little), and i'm no health expert by ANY MEANS but I do research a lot of stuff, so if you would like any input i'm totally open to discussion or helping you out, or if you just want to talk about it, whether you're going through something similar, or just have some thoughts about restricting or already in the ED world. It's definitely easier to get out of the mindset before you start PHYSICALLY doing things...

Of course fat people/unhealthy people (not necessarily the same thing, but generally speaking, if you look obese youre gonna be unhealthy) know they are unhealthy. Whether it be too thin or too big, (most) people aren't stupid. Ideals get skewed, and some people want to have a certain look, whether you approve of that or not is a different story. In my case, I know i'm fat, I know what I need to do to be healthy and skinny, but easier said than done. People have this stigma that fat people just don't know how to take care of themselves, but it's not as easy to implement something; larger people, generally speaking, ---probably--- know more about health than "thinner" "normal" people since that's literally all so many of us do, battle our weight day in and day out. We know all the new "trends" and we know they don't work but that doesn't mean we don't have a tiny glimmer of hope that they will. We know an active, healthy lifestyle is what is what gets you to that ultimate goal -but it's not just about that-.

Oh, and if it's a little hard to add up the years up there, I basically started out with anorexia (tendencies I guess, since I wasn't underweight) when I was 13-14, and started purging around 17-18. Essentially i've been doing something or other for 14 or so years, so more than half of my life, really.

Anyway, that last bit went into a bit of a tangent, but that's me in a nutshell. I'll start posting daily (I'LL TRY) if anything just for myself so I can put it out there what I ate and what I did each day. Maybe it will motivate me some. I hope it does. If anyone wants to start a diet or anything with me, please let me know! I'll try to write up about some things i've been doing lately, and my general plan in the next day or two, or some skin care/makeup reviews/routine stuff.

Sorry for the tldr;
here's some good music to make up for it!

Ólafur Arnalds - Ljósið (Official Music Video)