I haven't blogged in years, but a lot has happened and I honestly have nothing better to do.
The last post on here was 2012? So I guess i'll start there, from what I remember at least. I started to get into a new band called DIV which I am now obsessed with still, went to Europe alone for the first time (though met up again with some lovely people♡) and had to find a new job. 2013 on the other hand, was a terrible, terrible year which, even though it sucked, i'd like to turn back time now.
So, the beginning of 2013 I was jobless and was searching, though wasn't having too much luck. My dad (who I was living with at the time) decided he was quitting his own job and moving back home to Hokkaido, and my options were to go move with him (uh, no) live alone, or move to America. With my current situation of not really having any money, leaving the country wasn't an option and instead I moved into my own apartment in Saitama.
It was terrible. I hate Saitama, I hate the countryside and the punk kids. Haha
It probably wouldn't be so bad without them, but they were just so obnoxious. My actual apartment wasn't too bad, it was a little far, but it was brand new and really big! Anyway, so all of that was great but there was a lot of trouble with my family (aka my dad was just being a huge douche) and I almost feel like this was like a mental breakdown because I literally threw my hands up and said "fuck this" and left the country a month later.
So I quit my job (which, tbh, was also really starting to get annoying because of how unprofessional they were), spent the rest of my money following DIV around the country then moved to America at the end of June.
I don't know about you, but I know/knew a lot of people who thought/think moving to Japan will fix all their problems, that it's some magical land that makes you happy and you will never have a problem - this is the stupidest thing ever and its really obnoxious when people do this. But, essentially, it's what I did myself when moving back to America. I lived here as a teenager and grew up here, but never had to actually DO anything myself. Work, taxes, legal... anything, really. While in Japan i've had to find work, go in for unemployment, get my own apartment, deal with all that stuff numerous times, and it's so completely different and so confusing here. I thought coming here i'd be able to get a dumb easy job for minimum wage at least then just save up while I live with my mom (who also lives in America), but I was far from wrong.
6+ months later and i'm still jobless.
I got denied from Ross
A few places have just not responded, others have contacted me back telling me that if they can't contact the companies I worked for before, it doesn't hold up because it's not 'experience'. I'm sorry that the companies I worked for in the past only speak Japanese, but I can't really do anything about that. It's really difficult and I think the stress has gotten to me, which I usually don't think is something I deal with, or at least notice, but with a string of health problems that have started (and are most likely stress related) i'm starting to think otherwise. Sleeping has always been a problem for me, but it's definitely a stress factor, I believe. I've gained soooo much weight since getting here (which is what I do when i'm stressed, I think) and just in general, i'm more useless than usual. It's terrible.
So basically this is where I am now. I'm starting this blog up again to hopefully motivate me to try harder each day, maybe apply to even more jobs even if i'm not qualified just to see if they'll hear me out, move around more, do anything but eat my problems away (which, to be honest, I don't even realize I do most of the time).
My plan right now is to get a job and stay in America for a year or a year in a half after to save up enough money to move back to Japan. I contacted the embassy about my citizenship (I have both) and apparently the "22" year restriction isn't set in stone, and I can keep one or the other a bit longer, but it's not forever. Once I can save up enough money and move back, I'll unfortunately have to give up my American citizenship, which is a shame because my mother and grandmother are here. But it's really difficult for me to live here and I can't give up my own life for them even if it may be a little selfish. Consequently, if I give up my Japanese citizenship, I'd be leaving my family in Japan too. Ideally I could keep both forever, but what can you do. I prefer living in Japan with my friends and family there, and just a system I can understand more. It's mostly these little things that bother me a lot - the water here is incredibly hard (lol), the food isn't very good, cars frighten me and I prefer the transportation there, generally more polite, I can find foundation in my colour, hair products actually work on me.... just tiny little things like that.
Though one thing I am very thankful for is a dryer (like, clothing dryer)
I guess that's all for now, this is just a post to let out everything for the time being and it'll probably be more retarded pointless points coming up. I'll probably focus on trying to lose weight and maybe makeup of the sort to update about, but we'll see.
Thanks for reading and I hope you all are well xoxo
